I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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