I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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