i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
