Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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