ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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