I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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