It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
