I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
