I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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