btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
