Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
