My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
