and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
