theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
