FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
