My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
