i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I did not marry a roomba.
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