She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
