He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
