I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
