Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Less talking, more tequila
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
