He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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