Plan B is the new Plan A
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
