You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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