"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
