so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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