Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
