it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
