I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
