Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
birth control should be required to get into college
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
