Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
