Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
