Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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