It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
