Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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