and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
