You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
