i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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