My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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