i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
