it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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