i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
