"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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