I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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