Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
