i think i scared a bird with my dick
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
