Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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