Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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