So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
They took my balls.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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