I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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