u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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